Father I need wisdom. I need the kind of wisdom that comes from Heaven. Not the wisdom of man. I’m faced with challenges and disappointment in those close to me and heartache at their choices for their lives. Teach me to release these situations that I can’t change. Anoint me Lord to give wise counsel where you want me to and to shut up when my words would cause more harm than good. I want to be the kind of woman who runs to you first with everything. I want to seek you with all my heart and drop to my knees and lie back against your solidity and find perspective when it all becomes overwhelming to think about. Lord you know where I am at, and you know where they are at in their lives… you know what is needed. You know the healing and restoration and truth that must come. Oh Lord let your truth invade on the darkness surrounding these people I love so much! God would you bring down whatever is necessary, shatter the lies believed for so long, crush the insecurity, destroy the corrupting habits and may you, God of Heaven and Earth, sweep in at the end of the rope and tie that knot tightly… and rebuild the brokenness… turn the ashes into beauty. I long, oh how I ache for this. This is my desire Father, let it be.
This season of my life has been all about you, my Lord. I have handed over everything I am and everything I have to serve you. It’s my joy, pleasure, humble honor, and privilege to be your messenger of hope. And I’m not done, no this is only the beginning. I have a lifetime ahead of me and I will worship you with it. Jesus, you know what my heart yearns for. You know that I want my future to bring you praise… I am expectant of the time when I will be some lucky guy’s wife. I want to have a partner to stand beside… you have already promised this so I don’t search for it. I wait, but I wait patiently and fulfilled by your love and not in need of another person to secure my identity. A man isn’t what I worry over- I know your plan for this will be carried out eventually =). What I am thinking about tonight is a scarier thought… I am thinking about my future children… the one(s) I will adopt. Walking the thin line of falling in love with a child this past week (Paroma) has made me realize that my son or daughter could actually be alive somewhere in the world right now. I’m flooded with love and concern and protectiveness for a child I don’t yet know. I desperately need your peace that surpasses understanding. Once again I need you God to be both mother and father while I cannot. Please be the protector, be the provider, be the comforter and nurturer. And I pray that you will guard my heart and mind. Help me to be patient.
Thank you Father, for creating me with this tenderness I wrestle with… I am glad you made me like this. I can’t imagine being another way. I can handle the lows because around the corner is a high… but mostly I can live to face tomorrow because you live… all fear is gone…because I know you hold the future… and life is worth the living, just because you live! Amen.