Somehow along the way I got off track. Somewhere I allowed pride to sneak in, I lost my playfulness, I lost my joyfulness, I started to feel burdened by the love, drowned by the desperation and needs of others, I began to lose my foundation and wanted so achingly to be able to sweep in and make it all go away, fix the hurts, love them hard enough that everyone would be inspired to crawl out of the darkness…. My motivation was good, but my pride twisted me up inside to feel like I had to be everything to everyone… Now I never stopped speaking Jesus, I never stopped believing… I just lost my focus and I can’t even pinpoint when that turned. Maybe it was after Brady overdosed and had to be resuscitated in the ambulance… or when Liz went missing… or after Brian died… or one of the times John’s lifeless body had to be drug away from an intersection because he’d drunk himself into blacking out again…. or after Terry disappeared… or after Haley died… or when Zach went to prison… or after Brandon got exited from the shelter… Or when we lost track of everyone that used to live along River Road… or when I couldn’t help Jennifer and her 2 kids… or when Moe’s forearms were both broken with a bat by the guys that jumped him… or when Don overdosed and nearly died… or when week after week more people were being displaced by camp sweeps… Sadly I could go on and on.
Hours before my last time going out on the street my co-worker and friend Luis prayed for me- I asked him to because I was feeling anxious. He ended his prayer over me by asking God to take away all shame… I cried so much because only Jesus knows how that word haunts me but I cling to Psalm 34:5 “those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” I’m so thankful for the people I met at TRM, my coworkers treated me with so much encouragement and understanding when I opened up about resigning and the why of it all. So many of them have cared the way family does, what a blessing. Last week as I contacted my loyal volunteers and encouraged them to stay connected to the Mission but informed them that I’m leaving and entering a new season… they ALL rallied with a flood of prayers, encouragement, and understanding. They have revealed to me just how ready many Christians in Tacoma are to be the hands and feet of Jesus! They have all inspired me and awaked my love for the church! Tacoma, University Place, Spanaway, Puyallup… you have all answered the call and shown outstanding support, Thank You!
Feels so good to get this all out. Thanks for catching up with me.. All 2 of you that read til the end.